


Hard Light and Hard Conversations

by NewAgeVintage



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Everyone has a post hard light fic and this is mine, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, repressed sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23902654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewAgeVintage/pseuds/NewAgeVintage
Summary: After obtaining his hard light form from Legion Rimmer hides himself away to adjust to having a physical presence again. Lister goes snooping to find out exactly what Rimmer is hiding. Eventually a drunken chat changes their dynamic.
Relationships: Arnold Rimmer/male oc (past), Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	Hard Light and Hard Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> Continuity error: I got way to far into this before realizing that they shouldn’t be on red dwarf, so please excuse the fact that they are absolutely on the wrong ship the entire time and Holly is there.
> 
> Un-beta’d

At three in the morning Lister found himself in the locker area of the officers deck. The past week had been miserable, he was impossibly bored. After obtaining a hard light form Rimmer had taken to leaving their quarters before Lister woke and only return to sleep. He’d been making a point of cutting off any conversation before it could truly start, claiming to be to tired to deal with Lister.

After several days of the cold shoulder Lister had Holly track Rimmer’s movements. Rimmer had been spending his time on the area of the ship reserved for high ranking crew members. Upon requesting the surveillance feed they discovered that the hall cameras in that area had been damaged. It seemed to perfect, an area that Rimmer coveted was the only spot on the ship with no visual access, Lister was convinced Rimmer was the one who damaged the cameras.

He’d thought the plan through for a day or so before deciding to stay up until he knew Rimmer was soundly sleeping and investigate in person. At first he thought about just barging in and catching Rimmer in the act of hiding... whatever he was hiding. Something about the idea struck the wrong cord with Lister, normally he had no problem pissing off Rimmer but something about this felt wrong. It was better to quietly investigate before confronting him.

According to the information that Holly got from tracking Rimmer’s light bee Rimmer would take a lift to the deck, spend some time in the locker room and then spend the rest of his time in one of the sleeping quarters. Now Lister stood looking at the rows of lockers. They were more spacious and nowhere near as dented as the lockers in the main areas of the ship. Lister sighed as he started on the first row, it would take hours to go through them all but he was sure one of them held something rimmer was hiding.

After about an hour and 40 something lockers Lister had pocketed a couple packs of cigarettes, a porno mag, and some random nicknacks that caught his eye. He sighed as he cut the lock on the next one, he was starting to loose interest. Despite his previous enjoyment of the locker game this was different. It started off kind of fun, digging through the hidden objects of the old crew, but after a solid hour it just seemed repetitive and sad.

“C’mon Rimma’ what are ya hiding?” Lister cut the next lock and pulled it open. Inside sat a neat stack of magazines, two tapes, a box of cigars, and a journal. Lister picked up the tapes, both were unmarked except for the numbers 1 and 2 scrawled across the fronts. Next were the magazines, the first had a picture of a man on a motorcycle on the cover. Lister almost put it down assuming it was just some moto mag but then he read the title. Quickly he flipped through the rest of the issues and the theme was obvious. “Total Submission Monthly”, “Leather Studs Quarterly”, “Butch Biker Beasts”, they were all hardcore gay pornography. Lister cocked an eyebrow and flipped through one of them. It had been a while since he’d indulged in anything other than straight porn. He let himself get distracted for a few minutes before coming to a page that was incredibly interesting. The man in the image was familiar but wrong all at the same time. He was slim and handsome, laid across a pool table with his legs spread. He was dressed in a collar, stockings, a low cut shit and a leather jacket with feathered details. It was not identical to the outfit the low version of Rimmer had been wearing but the similarities were undeniable. Looking at someone who was not Rimmer in that attire felt strange. Yes he was attractive, but it made the image feel wrong, like there had been some sort of error in the printing. Lister put the magazines back, strangely certain these had to be Rimmer’s things.

He contemplated the implications as he picked up the journal. Sure he had poked a little fun at Rimmer before for his performative homophobia but this filled in a missing piece of the puzzle. Lister had always gone back and forth on the subject of Rimmer’s sexuality, knowing that there was something being hidden (poorly at that) but feeling to unsure to come to any concrete conclusion. The alternate Rimmer’s they had met through the years came to mind, they all had liked Lister (or at least seemed interested in him in one way or another) and he had convinced himself it was just because they didn’t have the weird hang ups on socializing that his Rimmer did.

Lister rubbed at his eyes and tried to stop his train of thought, no time for that nonsense, he hadn’t even found any real proof this is what Rimmer was hiding and he was to nervous to reflect further on his relationship with the bastard. He opened the journal, at least this would confirm (or deny) that all of this really belonged to Rimmer.

The first page was dated before Lister had joined the crew of the mining ship.

‘Today I have decided to keep a separate journal. Should I one day rise through the ranks and become an important figure of future study it’s for the best that some things remain secret. My war diaries will be pristine and I shall be remembered that way, charming, cunning, and to preoccupied with the important things in life for any true romantic pursuits. What a smegging joke that is. Who would want to study the journals of some closet pervert?’

Lister flipped through the next few pages, scanning them quickly. This was Rimmer’s real diary. It was all straight forward in a way that he didn’t know Rimmer was capable of, laying out facts and feelings that the diary Rimmer kept in their room skirted around. It was incredibly enlightening and Lister found himself completely absorbed in the self awareness he never would have thought Rimmer had.

The next passage he focused on was dated just few months before Lister was put in stasis.

‘Today starts my shore-leave. I’ve been nervously pacing the past few nights and I think I’ve been keeping Lister up, thankfully he hasn’t complained about it, as agitating as he is he does occasionally cut me some slack, bastard. I’ve decided to go out and try something. This isn’t the first time I’ve been tempted to sneak away and find a way to relieve tension, but I think I’m actually going to go through with it this time. I’ve booked a room in a hotel a city over from where we are docking for the week and have mapped out the surrounding area. One bar has stood out as the type of place I might find what I’m looking for, now I just need to gather the courage to go through with it. 

I’ve finished packing and I’m scheduled to leave the ship in about 53 minutes. 52 minutes now. Christ, all I’ve been doing is watching the clock. Not much left to do but carry on.’

The next page was dated two days later.

‘I’ve probably damned myself now but I’ve done it. I don’t think I’ll ever forget being approached in that bar. I sat there for over an hour, tossing back drinks and looking around the room. I almost gave up before he bought me a drink. I don’t know if I just don’t remember his name or if I never bothered to ask, but what’s done is done. God was he just what I was looking for, solid build and charisma to spare. He picked up on my nervousness immediately. It was actually almost calming, how he knew right away that I was inexperienced. It didn’t seem to bother him when I fumbled and didn’t quiet know what to do. He knew what to do, that’s for damn sure. I may not have much to compare it to, but what a cock.’

Lister shut the diary, the rest of the page was a complete recalling of the encounter and even though he had already violated Rimmer’s privacy he felt uncomfortable reading further. A glance down at his watch told him Rimmer would be waking up in the next hour or two.

Lister forced himself to put the diary and the tapes back into the locker and realized the mistake he made when he picked up the broken lock. Rimmer would know what had happened the second he came for his things and found the locker open.

He moved quickly through the ship to the storage room that Kryten had taken over. The mechanoid was powered down and charging when Lister burst in. He quickly shoved his fingers into the power button hidden under Kryten’s left ear, forcing him to boot up. 

“Good morning mister Lister, is something the matter sir?” Kryten quickly stood up and looked around beginning to panic, “Why, its only five o’clock, has something happened? Are we being attacked? Is there a stain that needs washing before it sets?!”

“Shhh... keep it down Kryten, I smegged up and need ya help covering my tracks.”

Kryten was able to recover the combination from the broken lock and program it into a new one that Lister had found. The relief was immediate as he clicked the lock into place, leaving things just as he had found them. It was almost six before Lister got to sleep, just an hour before Rimmer woke for the day.

—

The clock read 6:59 AM when Rimmer got out of his bunk. Quickly he shut off his alarm before it could ring, no need to risk waking Lister. The past week had been a combination of bliss and extreme anxiety. 

Dealing with Legion was a blur, it was like someone hit fast forward on his memory files the moment after he clapped his hand down on Lister’s shoulder. One second he was a ghost and the next sensation flooded him. Legion did more than just give him a physical presence. He could smell and feel. All the little sensations like his tongue sitting in his mouth and his toes wrapped in socks rushed back to him. It wasn’t the same as being alive, but it was closer than he thought he’d ever get again.

The first thing he had done was to touch Lister. The feeling of leather under his fingers was overwhelming. Solid, warm flesh wrapped in that ratty jacket. He had thought about it until they made it back to the ship. Back on board the implications smacked him in the face. He could go where he pleased, do what he wanted, have real privacy. The opportunities were endless, or they would have been if he wasn’t still trapped aboard a mostly abandoned space ship.

One of the first things he had decided to do was uncover his hidden belongings. He’d stashed away his more embarrassing and self indulgent personal belongings before the drive plate blew, he was used to Lister digging through his things and felt the need to keep certain things private. He quickly moved his stash from a loose wall plate in the cargo bay to the officers lockers, no need to sneak through the belly of the ship when more lush accommodations were now available.

The threat of Lister getting curious and following him was very real. He made a point to damage the surveillance equipment in the area and wake up well before Lister would ever consider getting up. 

The first two days were almost exclusively spent masturbating. He was able to touch himself when he was soft light, but it was a poor simulation of the real sensation and he had to rely on Holly or the skutters to play porn for him. After several marathon jack off sessions he began rereading his old journal. He hadn’t written in it since the accident, to paranoid to ask anyone to retrieve it for him. The shame written on the pages was almost foreign now. It felt like a different Arnold Rimmer had written it, one who still had a society to pretend for.

Contemplating the changes death had brought was confusing and frustrating. So much of what lived on those pages was still him, still secret and taboo. The change was mostly in his attitude, it was easier to let things go or play along with a joke knowing that the people around him hadn’t abandoned him yet.

The new urge to touch went past sexual. He had gathered all the pillows and blankets from the officers quarters and piled them onto one bed, enjoying the feeling of the different soft materials. After finding a box of cigars in the captains quarters he had taken up smoking them. The nicotine did very little for his system, but feeling the smoke ebb around his mouth and out his nose was foreign and delightful. One afternoon he had simply wandered around moving things, remembering the difference between textures and weight in different common objects. The scratching of a pen on paper was incredibly satisfying when he decided to recount the past years in his journal.

It had been a week and he was now laying in his pile of blankets, flipping through a dirty magazine and smoking. He may have gotten past the initial intense sexual urges but he’d remained fascinated on the subject matter. He had taken years to gather the small pile of magazines, never daring to buy one in a place he thought he might be recognized. It was one of the few physical pieces of proof of his sexuality. The fascination with leather and bondage probably said more about him than the fact all the magazines featured men.

Before his death he had begun exploring that side of him more, slowly crawling away from his parents bias. Death had changed that, with nothing to touch and Lister and The Cat being so dismissive of him he had given up and decided to live his afterlife ignoring it. Sure both of them had attractive features and Lister took to dressing like a damned biker, but it was all impossible. Up until a week ago.

Rimmer’s thoughts drifted to his relationship with Lister. Yes it was strained and they spent half the time arguing but it had evolved into something amenable. He sighed and got up, moving to return his stash to the locker he had taken over. He’d been ignoring the man since they got back and in all honesty, missed the pleasant bickering.

—

It was around three when Rimmer returned to the room he shared with Lister. Lister was sitting on his bunk tuning his guitar. Rimmer felt like he should say something, instead he simply sat at the table and began silently working on the half finished puzzle left there.

Lister looked up from his guitar, eyebrows pulled down in contemplation. He hadn’t expected to see Rimmer until that night. He didn’t seem angry, if he had figured out that Lister had been rummaging through his things we would have come into the room screaming.

“Ey, Rimma! I was starting to think you were moving out again”

Rimmer raised a brow and pursed his lips, that was a mild reaction to him disappearing for a week. “Well, Listy, I had some business to attend to.” He slotted a puzzle piece into the right place and watched Lister out of the corner of his eye. 

Lister shifted in place, looking very much like he had something to say. He put his guitar down and moved to sit across from Rimmer. Silently he picked a piece up off of the table and fitted it into the one Rimmer had just laid down. “Yeah, yeah. ‘M sure you have lots of important things to do.” He picked up the next piece and stared at the half formed image. The puzzle was an aerial view of a beach and the bits that formed the water were very alike.

They continued silently taking turns putting the pieces together until Rimmer clicked the last one in and completed the picture. The satisfaction of finishing the puzzle was quickly ruined by the lack of things to do with his hands. Rimmer looked up at Lister and opened his mouth, then closed it before he let himself speak.

“Ya know, I was thinking about going down to the pub and having a drink. Care ta join?” Lister was putting on his jacket and heading toward the door before Rimmer had a chance to reply.

—

The bar on Red Dwarf was just as empty as always. Lister had immediately jumped behind the bar and started rummaging for whatever liquor caught his eye. “So you can drink now right, like get properly plastered on real alcohol?”

Rimmer took a seat at a table and watched as Lister made a mess. “Well, yes, sort of. It’s not necessarily the physical alcohol that works as much as a bit of programming that simulates whatever I’m drinking.” Legion had briefly explained how eating and drinking worked for him now, but honestly Kryten had understood much more of it (not that Rimmer would admit it).

Lister walked up to the table, satisfied smirk on his face, and slammed down two full pints of whatever it was he had cobbled together. “Good. Drink up.” He waited for Rimmer to pick up his glass and then clinked his own against it. “To weird space maniacs and hard light!”. He drained his mug in the same time it took Rimmer to sip his own.

“Smeg! What the hell did you put in this? It tastes like someone pissed in some medical alcohol.” Rimmer winced, but took another sip, still fascinated by the act of physically drinking something.

Lister grinned and watched Rimmer drink more before speaking, “Hey now, who told you my secret recipe?” Rimmer sputtered, “Just kiddin’ ya man, I just threw together whatever caught my eye.” Rimmer continued drinking, rolling his eyes but draining the glass.

—

Two hours later they were both nicely drunk. Rimmer was telling some story from his childhood that he insisted was hilarious but struck Lister as more sad than anything. “And that Listy, is why you should always keep at least four days of emergency rations hidden somewhere.”

“Yeah Rimma, but ya were twelve.”

Rimmer contemplated the comment for a moment. He may have been twelve at the time, but he honestly should have expected his family to go on vacation without him at that point. He pushed past the subject, not wanting to dwell on what the real expectations of a child should have been. “Well it all worked out in the end, made me the man I am today and all that.” He finished his glass and set it down loudly, letting the clink against the table end the subject.

As soon as the cup was empty Lister snatched it up and went to refill it. He swayed a little on his walk back to the table, sloshing booze onto the floor as he went. “Ya always tell stories from when you were a kid, what about after ya moved out? I’m sure you went absolutely wild, man. I know I went nuts the second I got me own flat.”

Rimmer contemplated the question, he had definitely considered letting loose once he had separated himself from his family, but he had really just fallen into the same routine that he held aboard Red Dwarf. Study, fail, study, fail, poorly attempt to socialize, return to his studies, and so on. He picked up the newly full cup and drank instead of answering.

“I went absolutely spare, man.” Lister laughed, “Did whatever I felt like, spent to much time completely sloshed and shacking up with whoever would have me.” He paused to make eye contact, “Knew this one bloke that was into the wildest shit. Good times.” It wasn’t the worlds most upfront statement, but the way Lister said it made the meaning clear. Rimmer looked away and busied himself with his drink.

Lister cocked an eyebrow and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I miss it ya know, the variety. Life’s different on a ship, everybody knows everyone’s business.” It was a true enough statement, when he was younger he felt more free to experiment and go off with whoever he felt like. Once he joined Red Dwarf there was little escaping the opinions of the people around him. Lister wouldn’t consider himself closeted, but few people bothered to ask him about his preference (which he would have simply stated was ‘attractive and willing’).

They sat quietly for a few minutes, drinking and contemplating. Rimmer eventually let the tension out of his shoulders and leaned forward. “Well, m’laddo, that’s what shore-leave is for.” 

A grin broke out across Listers face, finally he was getting somewhere. “Oh yeah Rimma, you been holding out on me? Got plenty of juicy shore-leave stories?” Rimmer’s confidence wavered and he finished his drink. He stood quickly from the table and Lister was afraid he was just going to leave. Instead he retrieved a bottle of mediocre champagne from behind the bar, having grown tired of Listers science experiment cocktails.

Lister waited patiently as Rimmer popped open the bottle and filled their glasses. The carbonation was pleasant and Rimmer let himself focus on the sensation against his tongue before speaking. “You trust me Lister, I’ve got stories that would make a risk campaign sound boring in comparison!” Lister let himself laugh at that one, almost spilling his champagne in the process.

“Oh yeah Rimma, please enlighten me, what could ever be more thrilling than the time ya rolled double sixes twice in a row? I truly, really can’t grasp how anything could top that.” Rimmer frowned, flaring his nostrils in a way that told Lister he was agitated.

“Well Lister, I shouldn’t expect you to understand the thrill of a good strategy game considering you get confused playing go-fish. But I’ll have you know that I’ve gotten myself into some pretty risqué situations, thank you very much.” He took another sip of his drink.

“Well then, let’s hear it. Tell me one time you went planet side and got down an’ dirty.” Lister let his chin rest in his hands, looking at Rimmer expectantly. Sure they were drunk, but he wasn’t anticipating Rimmer actually following through. “And sneaking off to a dirty cinema or to buy a porn mag doesn’t count!”

Rimmer faltered, realizing that he was talking himself into a corner. He was almost drunk enough to not care and had to make a decision. He sighed and finished his drink, pouring another, to hell with it. “This doesn’t leave this table Lister.” He paused and looked at Lister meaningfully, Lister simply nodded, encouraging him to continue. “A few months before everything went to hell I may have taken some time off and found myself some company for the night.”

“Oh yeah? Well why have I never heard about it then? Ya brag about everything else and now you’re telling me you went and fucked around and didn’t come back with a story?” Lister knew well enough why Rimmer hadn’t bragged, but wanted to hear the man say it out loud.

Good decision making had finally tossed itself out the window and Rimmer let himself speak. “I didn’t think anyone would be particularly interested to hear how old Arnie bagged a bloke.”

Lister nervously wet his lips with his tongue and leaned back in his chair. “Sounds like quite a tale. Never woulda thought you’d be the type to go around shagging men.” A blatant lie. “M’sure its a hell of a story. I’d love ta hear it.” 

Silently Rimmer looked across the table at Lister. His face was serious and the look in his eyes was intense, waiting for what Rimmer had to say next. “Well, it’s quite different from a woman...”

Confidently Lister commented, “I know.”

Nervously clearing his throat and taking a gulp of his drink Rimmer continued, “I met him at this bar when we docked on Mars...” he paused and looked away from Lister before continuing slowly, “incredibly attractive, all wide shoulders and smiles. He bought me a drink and well, it went on from that.”

There was no reply for a minute, Lister just patiently sat, softly looking at Rimmer. Rimmer looked back at him, sadly smiling, eyes clouded with memory.

“So,” Lister said quietly, “Ya would do it again?”

“In a heartbeat.”

The implications of what he said took a moment to sink in, as soon as they did Rimmer quickly stood. On his way to the door he quickly paused to speak, “Well, absolutely charming evening, I’m just going to, ah, go now.”

As soon as Rimmer had left the room Lister let his head fall onto the table, “Smeg!”

The bar was silent except for the sound of Lister tapping his foot on the ground, agitated. he doubted Rimmer had gone back to their bunk. He probably ran right up to the officers deck and locked himself away in one of the rooms. If he didn’t find Rimmer now he’d probably disappear for another week.

Lister didn’t bother to be quiet as he made his way through the halls. Might as well give Rimmer some sort of warning that he wasn’t dropping the subject yet. The first few rooms he checked had been empty and looked like they had been rummaged through. The fifth door he tried was locked.

“Rimma, man, I know you’re in there.” He banged a hand on the door as he spoke, “I wasn’t trying to mess with ya, I swear.”

There was the faint sound of Rimmer moving about in the room and it was quickly followed by the lock disengaging. The door opened and Rimmer was sitting on the bunk looking down at the floor. Lister hesitated at the threshold of the room when Rimmer started to speak, “Just forget it Lister, go make fun of me with The Cat or whatever it was you were planning.”

It had never sat right with Lister when Rimmer got like this. He was completely disengaged, not willing to put up the usual fight. Lister went to sit beside him. He wanted to reach out and touch him, just clasp his shoulder and provide some kind of comfort. He thought better of touching him, it would probably just make it worse. He instead wrung his hands together and started to calmly talk. “Look, I wasn’t trying ta make fun of ya man. It doesn’t bother me, I’d be a hell of a hypocrite if it did. Ya just never talk about it and I know it’s none of my business, but it’s fine. I ain’t gonna tell Kryten or The Cat. S’not my business to tell.”

Rimmer inched away from him, pointedly looking at the wall before speaking. “That’s never stopped you before, you make fun of me all the time.” His tone had lightened a bit, now more angry than defeated.

“I give ya shit because you’re a smegging git, nothing wrong with liking who ya like.” Lister paused trying to figure out what to do next, Rimmer surprised him by moving first. Gently Rimmer placed a hand on Listers leg, just resting it there.

“Look, Listy.” Rimmer’s voice had regained more of it’s familiar haughtiness, “There’s not much to do about it anyway. It’s a little late in the game for that, you know being dead and all. And it’s not like we’re going to stumble upon the lost planet of the gays.” He scoffed and retracted his hand, looking at it thoughtfully.

Lister let himself laugh at that, they’d honestly run into weirder over the years. He clapped Rimmer on the back and wiggled his eyebrows at him, “Ya never know, who says there’s no willing men in space?” Silence followed Listers words and now it was his turn to feel awkward, he hadn’t meant for that to come across as suggestive as it did. He’d be lying to himself if he claimed to have never thought about it before. Rimmer wasn’t an ugly man and when they weren’t fighting they had fun together. Lister cleared his throat and started to stand, “I’m, ah, gonna turn in for the night.” Normally he wasn’t opposed to making drunken mistakes, but he had to share the ship with Rimmer for the foreseeable future.

Rimmer mumbled “Good night” as he watched Lister leave. Part of him still believed that this was all some big prank and he’d never hear the last of it. A smaller part of him felt warm and flustered from the whole situation. He thought about how solid Lister had felt under his hand and let himself fall asleep. 

Upon returning to the empty bunk room Lister crawled into bed and let himself think about Rimmer. He was tall, relatively fit, and confident. He was almost the type of guy he wouldn’t say no to, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was Rimmer. Sure he had his moments, far and few between but they were there. It was those little hints of who he could be that kept Lister invested. 

Frustrated, Lister buried his face into his pillow. He was the one who wanted to know more about Rimmer, to find what he was hiding. He was the one who would dwell on the alternative Rimmer’s that they met. The dreams he had the week after encountering their high and low selves were frustrating on there own, but now he had more fuel for the fire.

Lister was finally able to fall into a fitful sleep and dreamed of Rimmer sitting alone at some remote bar, waiting to be approached.

—

Surprising both himself and Lister, Rimmer returned to their room in the morning. Neither of them mentioned the previous night and they fell back into their normal routine. Mostly normal at least. Rimmer still occasionally snuck up to the officers quarters and Lister had a hard time not touching the other man.

Both of them pretended not to notice that Lister had taken to patting Rimmer on the back or shoulder whenever he said something particularly entertaining. That he would now sneak up behind him and flick his ear to get a rise out of him. Occasionally Lister would even find himself patting the holograms leg in reassurance. It was comfortable, as long as it was left alone.

Of course, nothing was left alone for long. The Cat was the first to mention the new found closeness between the two. It was just him and Lister sitting at the table, playing through a board game they had recently found. Lister was blankly staring at his game piece, it was his move but he had mentally checked out. The Cat loudly snapped his fingers in front of him, “Red Dwarf to monkey! Are we going to play mousetrap or what? I waited all day to trap some mice and now you can’t even focus on how good my piece looks!” He had spent the morning glueing small rhinestones onto the game piece he intended to use, and it made the rest of the board look quite dull in comparison. 

“Yeah, sorry man, just thinkin is all.” Lister reached forward and moved his piece in the wrong direction on the board.

The blue plastic piece was swatted off the table by, the now very agitated, Cat. “Man, you’ve gotten boring ever since you got all touchy feely with goal post head.” He stood and sauntered to the door, turning back just to stick his tongue out at Lister.

Lister felt himself go pale, every small touch from the past week flooding his mind. Sure he’d been preoccupied and found himself spacing out more often recently, but what was the harm in pretending things were normal. Unfortunately he only had a few moments to contemplate the situation before Rimmer walked into the room.

“What’s wrong Listy?” Rimmer was in good spirits, just returning from taking inventory with Kryten, “You look like someone dumped the last of the Tabasco out the airlock.”

Sighing, Lister leaned forward and let his forehead rest on the table. “Door, Lock.” The locking mechanism for the bunk clicked shut.

“Uh, Lister.” Rimmer looked at the newly locked door nervously, not sure why Lister had done that. He clicked his tongue and spoke slowly. “You’ve gone space crazy haven’t you? God knows it’s been coming for a long time. Well don’t think you’re going to be able to take me down, m’laddo, I’ve been preparing for this moment since you started talking back at the television.” Rimmer fell into a poorly executed boxing stance and eyed Lister nervously. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Rimma,” Listers voice slightly muffled by the table, “I haven’t gone space wacko, I swear on me guitar.” He sat up and scoffed at the ridiculous pose Rimmer was still in. “Calm down man, I just wanna talk to ya and don’t want Kryten or The Cat busting in.”

Slowly Rimmer straightened out his posture and crossed his arms, looking skeptical. “So, what’s so important?”

“Could ya just sit down? Yer making me nervous.” Rimmer made a face at being told what to do but sat down anyway. Lister sighed before continuing, “I was just thinking ‘bout how nice this past weeks been. Yeah, we still fight and I don’t think I’d want it any other way.” He reached over and put his hand on Rimmer’s knee. “But I like being close ta ya.”

The light touch made Rimmer tense in his seat. He eyed the hand like it was something to fear. He was afraid of it, Lister touching him sent a jolt through him every time it happened. He’d been struggling to ignore it the past few days, and it was starting to effect his sleep. He opened this mouth, then closed it, and opened it once more to mutter, “Explain...”

Sighing, Lister retracted his hand and used it to nervously rub the back of his neck before speaking. “Look, I’m jus’ saying the last few days have been nice. I forgot what it was like having ya around, ya know, physically.” Listers expression was almost pained as he watched Rimmer fidget and think before responding.

The nervous tapping of Rimmer’s foot filled the room as he considered all the different ways this could be some sort of set up. When he did speak he did so carefully, “It is good, having my body back I mean. I had almost forgot what it was like to touch, ah, things.” He winced as he finished the sentence, aware of how painfully lame it sounded.

Lister simply clicked his tongue in acknowledgement while looking the other man up and down. This was going better than he anticipated, there was the very real possibility of Rimmer starting a fight or just fleeing. Thankfully one thing Lister excelled in was being a shameless flirt, and if it worked on a flighty woman in a bar it should work on a man who loved to have his ego stoked.

“Ya know, that color looks good on ya too. Wouldn’t a’ thought a new body would come with a new look too.” Lister tried to keep his tone even, not wanting to lay it on to thick. “An’ Holly never did ya hair the same as you kept it.” The effect of Listers words was almost immediate. Rimmer sat a little straighter in his chair and the tapping of his foot finally slowed. Lister continued, leaning an elbow on the table, “Ya look good, man. I mean it, I kinda missed it.” The words shocked him a little as he said them, sure they were exaggerated but they held some truth.

“Well Listy, I’m glad someone around here noticed.” Rimmer replied, sounding incredibly satisfied. 

Emboldened by the quick improvement of Rimmer’s mood, Lister stood and leaned against the table, standing much closer to the other man now. “Ya know Rimma, I don’t wanta sound to forward,” He leaned down as he continued to speak, tone becoming sultry, “But ya are a pretty attractive guy.”

Rimmer didn’t move to leave or start to yell despite how much a part of him desperately wanted to. He simply said, “oh” and let Lister lean in. The kiss was firm but short. Lister stood above him, looking very much like the cat who got the canary.

Not able to come up with a response that wouldn’t ruin the moment Rimmer continued to look up at Lister. He was confused but delighted and for a moment he was convinced he was asleep and this was just another strange dream. Hesitantly Rimmer raised a hand and let it rest on Listers hip, confirming that he was real and solid and standing right in front of him.

Taking the light touch as a good sign Lister leaned in once more, this time bringing a hand to rest on Rimmer’s cheek. Something about this kiss flipped a switch in Rimmer and he pushed forward, angling his head to the side. Lister smiled into the kiss and let his lips part, inviting more participation from Rimmer. It only took a minute for the gentle moment to turn desperate.

A groan escaped Rimmer as Lister set to sucking on his lower lip. Rimmer’s programming was working overtime, processing long forgotten sensations. His hands found hold on the lapels of Listers jacket and he roughly pulled the shorter man closer. Lister faltered at the tug before taking it as an invitation to straddle Rimmer’s thighs. 

The chair creaked as it scraped across the floor, trying to accommodate the grinding of hips. Rimmer thrust up against Listers ass causing the chair to scoot back several inches. The motion caused Lister to lose his balance and fall forward against Rimmer. Lister laughed, temporarily breaking away from the kiss to speak, “Ya know, I think we should move this to somewhere a little more comfortable if ya catch my drift.” 

Suddenly nervous and very aware of the implications of moving to one of the bunks Rimmer cleared his throat and hesitantly replied, “Oh, well, if that’s what you want...”

Lister stood and rolled his eyes, “No Arn, I have a raging smegging hard on because I don’t want to fuck ya silly.” He paused to gesture at the hard on in question, “c’mere.” He looked expectantly down at Rimmer and held out his hand. Rimmer skeptically took the offered hand and let himself get pulled over to the bottom bunk.

Rimmer sat on the bunk waiting for Lister to make a move. Smiling warmly Lister practically whispered “That’s a good boy.” The praise made Rimmer sit a little taller, already flushed face turning a deeper shade of red. Lister chuckled as he shucked off his jacket and kicked off his boots. Rimmer followed suit, willing off his own jacket and shoes. Lister looked the flustered hologram up and down before reaching out to gently push him down on the mattress. Rimmer complied with the light shove, laying himself down, his normal facade of wanting to be in control gone.

Letting Lister take charge was easy, sex had always been the one thing that Rimmer would willing give up command for. It had been like that in his other limited encounters, wanting nothing more than to please.

As he got into the bed Lister moved his hands to Rimmer’s thighs and lightly pressed until they spread easily under him. He moved forward to position himself between Rimmer’s legs, pressing a knee against the straining bulge in his trousers. The sensation caused Rimmer to quickly draw in an unnecessary breath and rub against Listers leg. 

Gently Lister leaned forward to kiss Rimmer once more, arms resting on either side of Rimmer’s head. Comfortably pressed against the bed Rimmer let his hands wander over Listers chest and down to the hem of his shirt. Slowly he dipped his fingers under the fabric, wrapping his arms around Lister to grip at his back. Not one to discourage that type of exploration Lister sat up momentarily to pull the T-shirt over his head and toss it to the floor before leaning in to nip at Rimmer’s neck.

The sensation of teeth on his throat made Rimmer crane his neck to the side, trying to give Lister as much access as possible. Lister worked his way down until he was stopped by the collar of Rimmer’s shirt. He tugged at the fabric lightly, briefly contemplating how holographic clothing worked. He smirked up at Rimmer, “Ya mind getting this outta my way?”

“Oh.” Was Rimmer’s reply and the shirt quickly shimmered out of existence, and a brief look down confirmed that the rest of Rimmer’s clothes were gone as well. Lister sat up to look him over, taking his time to appreciate the pale expanse of skin before finally setting his sites on Rimmer’s hard cock. It was relatively average in length and color and curved slightly to the right but in that moment Lister found it incredibly enticing.

Rimmer focused on a spot on the wall and stuttered, “I, uhm, hope it’s not to disappointing.”

The self deprecating comment made Lister furrow his brows and frown. He lightly grasped the base of it and loosely jerked his hand up and down before responding, “Not disappointing at all Arn, I could look at ya all night.” Rimmer’s eyes snapped back to Listers face and he quickly brought a hand to his mouth, biting his fist to muffle a moan. Lister continued to jerk him off, one hand working the shaft and the other rubbing against Rimmer’s ass. 

All Rimmer could do was pant against his hand, trying to keep himself from making to much noise. Listers grip on him tightened and he started to come undone. A familiar heat started to build in his groin and he could barely moan out “Lister” before he was cumming. Lister kept going through the orgasm, not stopping until Rimmer’s breathing started to slow.

Happy with the results Lister brought his hand up to his mouth and slowly licked the cum off of his fingers before the computer generated image could disappear, making heated eye contact with Rimmer the entire time. Rimmer shivered as he watched, transfixed by the eroticism of the act. Lister leaned forward, pinning Rimmer to the mattress once more. He placed a short kiss on Rimmer’s neck before grinding against his leg, letting Rimmer know that he was very much so still hard. 

Not wanting to disappoint, Rimmer brought his hands to Lister’s waist, hooking his thumbs under the waste band of Lister’s pants. Lister pushed against the touch and groaned. Spurred on by the reaction Rimmer started working at the button and zip, fumbling with nervous hands. After what felt like a much to long minute the zipper relented and Rimmer was able to shimmy the trousers down, exposing Listers dick strained against his boxers. Lister pulled away briefly, standing to fully remove his jeans and underwear before getting back into the bunk.

Rimmer had seen Listers cock before, he’d spent a great deal of time lazily stroking it when they had switched bodies. But now it was in front of him as opposed to being a part of the body he was inhabiting and that made it all the more intimidating. Lister sat expectantly with his back against the wall, watching Rimmer contemplate what to do next.

Patting the spot on the mattress directly next to him Lister gently spoke “c’mere, I’m not gonna make ya do anything ya don’t wanna, Rimma’” hesitantly Rimmer moved down the bed until he was directly next to Lister. Lister put one hand against Rimmer’s cheek, pulling him close to kiss. He opened his mouth against Rimmer, licking at the holograms lower lip until he was able to fully deepen the kiss. Slowly Lister placed his hand on Rimmer’s and gently moved it to this thigh. 

Having his hand just inches away from Listers erection emboldened Rimmer to move. Gently, he brought one hand to wrap around Listers cock, slowly moving his fist up and down the length. In response to the touch Lister deepened the kiss, moaning into Rimmer’s mouth. Spurred on by the positive reaction Rimmer began moving faster, bringing his hand all the way up to the head of Listers dick to wet it with pre-cum before sliding it back down the base. Lister began thrusting up into his hand, to preoccupied to keep properly kissing Rimmer.

Between gasps Lister uttered praise, “That’s it love, just like that.” Rimmer watched his hand as it moved, mesmerized by the twitching of Listers thick, heavy cock. Having Lister absolutely come undone made Rimmer want to do even more. He slowed his pace and then took his hand off of Lister. Lister made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat before he saw that Rimmer was moving to kneel on the floor in front of him.

Never one to turn down a good thing Lister moved forward on the mattress, letting his feet rest on the floor on either side of Rimmer. Once more Rimmer wrapped his hand around the base of Listers dick, but this time he also leaned forward and took the head of it into his mouth. He tried moving his mouth in time with his hand, hesitantly at first. While he didn’t need to breath it took a minute for Rimmer to adjust and ignore the instinct to draw in air. Eventually he fell into a rhythm, bobbing his head up and down and working the length that he couldn’t quite get into his mouth with one hand. 

Lister gripped at the sheets, willing himself to keep his hips steady. He kept his eyes locked on Rimmer, dedicating the obscene sight and sound of him to memory. Rimmer briefly looked up, locking eyes with Lister as he licked from the base to the head of his cock before taking it into his mouth once more. Lister could feel himself approaching the edge of orgasm and tried to gasp out a warning, “I’m close.”

In response to Listers warning Rimmer simply took as much of Lister as he could into his mouth and hollowed his cheeks. Lister groaned as he came, filling Rimmer’s mouth with cum. Rimmer managed to swallow the majority of it, but sputtered slightly, letting cum drip down his chin. Lister looked down at Rimmer, awestruck.

“Smeg, man, you have no idea how hot that was.” Lister was still panting, slowly recovering. He laid down in the bunk and gestured for Rimmer to join him. “Get up here Rimma’.” Rimmer complied, wiping his chin before crawling into the cramped bunk, laying on his side to face Lister.

Rimmer looked skeptical as Lister wrapped an arm around him. They were both silent as they got comfortable. Eventually Rimmer spoke, “So, Listy, what’s does this mean.”

Lister thought for a moment before responding, “It doesn’t have to mean anything, I like ya well enough and there’s nothing wrong with the occasional roll in the hay.”

“Oh.” Rimmer closed his eyes and listened to Lister fall asleep. It’s not like he wanted it to mean anything more than that, right?


End file.
